Friday, May 3, 2013

What to Expect The First Day Home from the Hospital - Scary Mommy

Julie is the wrangler of a little girl who wears glasses and a fuzzy pink eye patch and a little boy who does neither. She also writes nonsense at I Like Beer and Babies.?She is OK at Facebook and sucks at Twitter.

What to Expect The First Day Home from the Hospital

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Wake up to breakfast in bed provided by the hospital cafeteria.

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Have the lovely nurses in the nursery wheel in your precious baby and spend the morning bonding.

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Talk to the doctor, who tells you the great news: You?re being discharged today!

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Panic.

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Realize you left the car seat in the car.

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Panic.

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Send hubby to get said car seat while you are alone with the baby.

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Panic.

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Realize you don?t know how to work the car seat.

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Panic.

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Finally get the baby in the car seat only to realize that it looks like you just placed a mouse in a cage fit for an elephant.

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Panic.

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Say goodbye to the lovely hospital staff and thank them for all they have done.

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Panic.

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Get wheeled down to the car while realizing that this is it: no more pushing a button to get help when you need it.

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Panic.

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Get yourself, the hubby and the baby in the car.

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Panic.

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Drive five miles an hour on the car ride home.

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Panic.

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Get home and feel like a strange man in a strange land.

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Panic.

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Get unpacked and wonder what to do next.

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Panic.

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The baby cries.

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Panic.

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Try to figure out what the baby wants.

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Panic.

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Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.

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Panic.

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Try to figure out what the baby wants.

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Panic.

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Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.

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Panic.

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Try to figure out what the baby wants.

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Panic.

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Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.

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Panic.

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Realize that you have been home for eight hours and haven?t eaten or used the bathroom.

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Panic/get faint.

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Decide it is time for everyone to try to go to bed and put the baby down for the night.

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Panic.

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Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

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Panic.

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Baby wakes up crying.

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Panic.

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Feed baby and put it back to sleep.

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Panic.

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Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

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Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.

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Panic.

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Feed baby and put it back to sleep.

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Panic.

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Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

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Panic.

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Baby wakes up crying.

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Panic.

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Feed baby and put it back to sleep.

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Panic.

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Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.

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Panic.

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Baby wakes up crying.

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Panic.

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Decide that it?s finally time to call it night and? start your day.

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You made it! One day down, 18 more years to go.

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Source: http://www.scarymommy.com/what-to-expect-the-first-day-home-from-the-hospital/

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